Along Comes Life: Recap

Change is a relative thing. When looking into the future, change can hardly seem to happen fast enough, but when looking back it happens all too fast.

In the past year, I have moved out of my lifelong home in Los Angeles to another state altogether. Though I try not to dwell on the idea that my family is no longer within driving distance, I still miss them very much. So the faces and scenery have changed. Life circumstances are different. I have gotten a little older, matured a little more with time.

As a child, you of the outside world in terms of how it relates to you. Throughout your teenage years, you search for your identity. Who am I? Where and what do I come from? What do I want in life? What are my dreams and how do I accomplish them? A turbulent process it was.

Now, I can answer those questions with more certainty.

If I had to label the past year with a word, it would be Family. With a part of me still in Los Angeles, I think I was fortunate to have gotten a job working at an assisted living facility. In many ways, some residents and staff alike have become a sort of adopted family. The unexpected part of accepting that job was how much I would gain in enriching my own life, values, and my own family that I would one day have.

I am one of the lucky ones who have the one and only.

The things I like about Raihn are enough for me to want to spend the rest of my life getting to know him. In the beginning, I got a glimmer of who he is, a vision of who he could be, and then hope for what we could be together. The man I discovered is someone who is not afraid to be who he is and who he wants to be– a man who walks by the light of the Lord.

Raihn's life story is one that I admire, to say the least. The strength he displayed in overcoming the circumstances rendered from an unfortunate childhood and rise above it to become a good man seems almost superhuman to me. He always strives for and support what’s right, to better the things that are wrong, not only in his own life, but in those around him. He always puts his faith in the Lord first, to guide his life, and then to inspire those around him.

He has a bright light that has been dimmed many a times before by hardships, but every time I see the darkness closing in, I am inspired to protect that glow and help it grow. His heart is one of gold: he loves passionately and wholly, gives freely and unconditionally, supports with all his might. He has heart, he has faith, strength, and light. His eyes are soulful, his smile melts hearts, and his laughter inspires happiness. Raihn is a lion: he is a lover and a fighter. I know he will always protect me, lift me up and guide me.

He’s helped me understand my role as a Woman. I can be his companion and share our fun and nerdy interests; I can be his support and work to help him accomplish his childhood dreams of being the first one in his family to graduate from college and attaining his dream job; I can be his woman of grit and run beside him among the rocky terrains of life, whatever the challenges may be; I can be a better housewife (and proud of it) by cooking better meals and make the home a place of refuge where he can come back to after a long hard day’s work in the world outside. Together, we can make our house a home. He is my king and I will always strive to be by his side through the good times as well as the bad.

He is one in a million, and I’m lucky enough to be his.

And, of course, there is everyone who I am grateful for your friendship. Thanks for all the smiles and laughter.

There will be more :)

The Sweet Life After the "I Do's"

We have been newlyweds for thirteen days now. People ask how does it feel now that we're living the married life. I can tell you -- it is bliss.

Obviously there is no more stress from that constant overhanging cloud of planning for the wedding and getting things in order. I have also gotten to know some great people better throughout the past year, which has been a joy in itself. More than anything, we really are a family in the eyes of everyone now, which surprisingly took away a weight that I didn't even know I had.

We have been incredibly blessed -- the wedding, our friends and families who came together that day reflected and reaffirmed the values of family and love. Raihn and I originally envisioned an intimate wedding for just close friends and family (in other words, an event that wouldn't break the bank too badly). To our surprise, the event blossomed into something bigger and better than what either of us could have imagined due to all the love, contributions, and support we received from our family and friends. From the bottom of our hearts, Thank You.

A favorite quote of mine is by Lao Tzu, "Being loved by someone deeply gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." On the day of our wedding, I felt the truth in his words. For me, seeing our families come together, accept each other, saying "You are family now," really showed me what kind of people we come from; that with all of life's drama and politics aside, what really matters at the end of the day is who we walk our lives with and how we treat one another. Being loved by family, and of course by my husband, gives me strength to keep pushing the boundaries to be a good, decent, person... to be better, if not my best. Loving them gives me the courage to push beyond the realm of what is comfortable and easy for me.

Although I would love to recap every little detail of the wedding, here are some photographic highlights instead :)

There is no combination of words I could put on the postcard

And no song that I could sing, but I can try because this is your heart and this is

Our dreams and they are made out of real things

Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving

Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart, like

Why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?

It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving

I'll tell you one thing, it's so much better when we're together

Mmm, so much better when we're together

Yeh, we'll look at the stars when we're together

Well it's so much better when we're together

Yeh, it's so much better when we're together

All of these moments just might find their way into my dreams tonight

But I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings

Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see

They'll be gone too, to many things I have to do

But follow these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene

I'd be under the impression, I was somewhere in between

With only two, just me and you, not so many things we got to do

Or places we got to be, we'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeh, so much better when we're together

Mmm, we're somewhere in between together

Well, it's so much better when we're together

Yeh, so much better when we're together

I believe in memories because they look so,

So pretty when I sleep

And when I wake up you look so pretty sleeping next to me

But there is not enough time

And there is no, no song I could sing

And there is no combination of words I could say

But I will still tell you one thing

We're better together

We so much better when we're together

We so much better when we're together

Nyssa Says...

Raihn and I met in Biology 101, appropriately enough, in the summer of 2006. It was one of those grueling classes that sucked out 3-4 hours of your life, Monday through Friday, plus a couple here and a couple there Saturday through Sunday... not a way one would prefer to spend the summer.

One typical school day I did what I usually did when it was break time -- walk to the Starbucks on campus for a life potion, or go hunt down some Carl's Jr. criss-cut fries.

But this day was different. The doofy-white-guy with the humongous blue backpack was standing outside in front of the classroom door chatting with one of his friends. Why would anyone carry such a huge backpack? I wondered. Now that I think about it, is it just me or is he popping up around me more and more? Oh well. Whatever. Food.

I thought I heard him and his friend exchange goodbyes as I walked down the hall. That day was like any other summer day, endless stretch of blue skies and heat that hits you like a brick wall. I turned a corner, making sure to stay below the shade, and began walking down another hall when I heard some footsteps following me. Don't ask me why or how, but I had a peculiar feeling that those footsteps belonged to him.

I dared not look back.

I grrr-ed to myself as I entered the final approach leg towards the coffee shop where a group of six to eight students blocked my path, forcing me to leave my precious shade. Then all of a sudden...
Light bulb!

Immediately I slowed down my pace, meandered around the gaggle of Vietnamese students, and caught him in the corner of my eye on my three o'clock!

I was silently applauding myself on a proper good job when he headed straight towards me. Oh no. What, why?

He says hi. "Hi."

We are talking now.

He opens the door. Thanks, but I can open my own door.

He is still talking to me.

Now he's asking if I ever had an IBC Cream Soda. "No."

He is offering to buy one for me. No! This is weirding me out.

"Uh, no, thanks. I can pay for my own." Umm. Smile.

That day, we sat down in the coffee shop and had our first actual conversation over two bottles of cream soda. He found out that I was in the ATC program and I discovered that he was an artist and was fairly recently out of the Marine Corps. To be honest, a lot of this is fuzzy in my memory I suppose because I was too busy being nervous.

Ok, had I known that he was going to be my husband, well shoot, I would have put in a little more effort at making a good impression. For one thing, I would not have avoided him. I would have sat next to him in class every single day. When he approached me one day after class and asked if I would like to study with him for finals, I would not have been terrified and bumbled out, "No. I'd be a terrible study partner... In fact, I didn't even read the text book. At all. It's better if you studied with someone else." I would not have mummified my cell phone in layers of foil and buried it in between two mattresses trying to deflect the world's cell phone rays in hopes to send Raihn's calls straight to voicemail. I would have spoken to him every chance I got to make him like me. Truly.

I guess I must have passed all the tests on Raihn's planet because we ended up hanging out a couple more times just talking and talking. And it was wonderful. On that note, ladies, if you like the guy, and if you two happen to run out of things to say and he busts out his laptop to show you his amazing victorious replays of his WarCraft III games, DO NOT run away. He can still be your soulmate. I know mine was :)
 .
Later on, fast-forwarding to our first date at Dave & Buster's, I discovered that he had a crush on me weeks before we had ever spoken a word. I asked Raihn, "When was the first time you noticed me then?" He replied that it was when I whipped out one of my favorite comic books to read in class (The Punisher: Born by Garth Ennis in case you wondered). Strange, how all the little things count in life.

Over the past several years I have come to believe what a lucky person I am to have such a wonderful and beautiful man to be my soulmate, my best friend, my teammate, my anchor, my love, and my soon-to-be husband. Raihn truly makes me a better person.

For all of this I have to say thank you God for all of the blessings that You have given me, the brightest of which is Raihn. And of course, I am also in your debt Mr. Ennis for introducing the baddest marine into my life. And no, his name's not Castle.

Digital Sessions: Portrait of a Man

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his power. Put on whole the armor of God, …so that you may be able to withstand on that evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand therefore, and fasten the belt of truth around your waist, and put on the breastplate of righteousness. As shoes for your feet put on whatever will make you readily to proclaim the gospel of peace. With all of these, take the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Ephesians 6:10-17

This post is dedicated to my Man. Please excuse any cliches I may have because these thoughts and feelings are from the heart.

When you found me, I was still trapped in the darkness that had consumed my life. I tried to break free of that past, but it was one that I didn't understand. I used to imagine my life as thousands of broken shards that cut and bloodied my hands whenever I tried to put the pieces together. But through the grace of God, you helped me break through my voracious plague. You saw me for who I was. You saw through me. Though fragile, you raised me up with your bare hands and heart of gold and showed me a strength I've only imagined in faraway stories. Despite the trials and tribulations in your life, you gave me your undying strength. You helped me stand up to my demons. With faith, patience, clarity, and strength, you showed me: "Your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily."

I never imagined.

Babe, you are a story come true, my real life white knight in shining armor. In no exaggeration, you are the king of my world. I am only too blessed to take on your name. You have my ultimate trust. You have my love and admiration. You have my companionship, my love, my friendship, my admiration, my heart and soul. No one can stand up to the shadow of you. You, and only you, will I forever keep in my heart.

We will walk this road together, hand in hand, heart to heart.

Digital Sessions: A Theater of Clouds

I never knew a night so black
Light failed to follow on its track.
I never knew a storm so gray
It failed to have its clearing day.
I never knew such bleak despair,
That there was not a rift, somewhere.
I never knew an hour so drear,
Love could not fill it full of cheer.

--Unknown

Up here in the northwest, we get such dramatic clouds-- a line of enormous clouds build up over the mountain until they pour across the valley. Since the air is so clear, you can see clear across the valley; your eyes are delightfully stimulated by a mosaic of colors: sunny spots, shadowed areas, angel rays that break through spots in the clouds. I feel like a spectator in Earth's grand auditorium, a theater of clouds. And when the sun breaks through them, the colors that spread through the sky are incredible. How can you not feel rejuvenated?

Digital Sessions: To the Wars

Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkinde,
That from the Nunnerie
Of thy chaste breast and quiet minde,
To War and Arms I fly.

True; a new Mistresse now I chase,
The first Foe in the Field;
And with a stronger Faith embrace,
A Sword, a Horse, a Shield.

Yet this Inconstancy is such,
As thou too shalt adore;
I could not love thee, dear, so much,
Lov’d I not Honour more.

- Richard Lovelace,  "To Lucasta, on going to the Wars"

For many in our country, the choice to go to war is not just made by one, but two people: man and wife, a family. You've heard of the saying The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. To me, this saying applies to both people in a relationship, whether he or she is in the military or at home holding down the fort. To all the soldiers and families who have made the choice and must deal with that choice everyday, Thank You for your service and dedication.

Going to the Wars is definitely one of my favorite poems. I find its imagery and analogy beautifully heartfelt. It speaks of the bitter sweetness of Love, Duty and Honor. Like the lone figure standing in the background in the photo, often times we can feel the loneliness and separation all too clearly in a long distance relationship. And while that is so, it is only true to an extent-- the ultimate destination is the same because although the trek we make are currently on different paths, we are still on the same team. One of the reasons I like this poem is because it reminds me of my man. Raihn is someone who strives to live honorably and righteously, even in the darkest of times, and rightfully demands of me to strive for the same.

Thank you babe for being who you are. We make an amazing team :)

Digital Sessions: New Divide

Since I haven't been posting as often as I would like to, I am introducing Digital Sessions, a little project of mine, into this blog. I've always enjoyed taking something and making more out of it. In this case, putting words and images together to create something new, or at least give shape and form to inspiration. I'm not versed in the ways of Photoshop -- just enough to get by -- but until then there is a wonderful application online called Picnik.com that lets you to play around with your images. It's a lot of fun and great for practice as well, so I highly recommend that program.

Digital Sessions includes digitally manipulated images paired along with words, phrases, and quotes of sorts for expression. Earlier this week, I was scanning in some of my fiancee's military pics for him. With Memorial Day coming up, I thought it'd be appropriate to start off Digital Sessions with some of his photos.

I remembered black skies
The lightning all around me
I remembered each flash
As time began to blur
Like a startling sign
That fate had finally found me
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

There was nothing inside
The memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide
The ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in
Between where we were standing
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

So give me reason
To prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross
The distance in your eyes
Give me reason
To fill this hole
Connect this space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide

Linkin Park, "New Divide"